Tuesday 18 June 2013

Lessons from my Dad!!


With the Father’s day last Sunday and my dad’s birthday this coming weekend, I thought of writing about important life lessons I have learnt from my dad. Unlike my mom, my dad has never told me what to do, I have always learnt from the way he behaves and deals with situations. The following lessons have been the ones that have resonated with me the most and I try my best to apply them to my life as well.

1.  Always give and help – I have seen him being cheated by people on this trait more than once and there have been times when this habit of his has got the family into troubles but now I can see the benefits of it all. People love him, trust him and are ready to help him in whichever way they can. Even I have reaped the benefits of the goodwill that he and my mom have earned. And I know that he just gave and help without even expecting these benefits – he did it for the contentment of helping.

2.  Be happy – He has faced some major setbacks in life which more often than not break the spirit or in the least cause a lot of worry. But my dad has always been very cool headed in dealing with those. He never worries no matter what, which ticks my mom a lot of times but gives people around him a sense of assurance that things can be handled

3. Integrity – If my parents had waivered, we could be millionaires by now but to them integrity is more important than money. And somewhere I know that because of their karma, a lot of things have come easily to us – things which are much more important – values, good education, a united family with lots of love and goodwill.

4.  Connections – My dad has this exceptional ability of making connections with everyone everywhere. He is mindful of people around him and easily finds common ground with anyone from the driver to the managing director. Something I still need to learn.

There is this saying my dad has which is the point from where he makes all his decisions:
“Insaan sirf do hi cheez kamaata hai – rishtay aur bacche. Baaki sab toh aata jaata rehta hai”

Translated - A person earns only two things – relationships and love of children. Rest everything comes and goes.

Leia Mais…

Monday 10 June 2013

How to cope with the great loss!!


“On the death of a friend, we should consider that the fates through confidence have devolved on us the task of a double living, that we have henceforth to fulfill the promise of our friend's life also, in our own, to the world.”
               ~Henry David Thoreau

  
Death of a loved one is a harrowing and heart rending experience - it shakes all your beliefs, de-stablises you to the core and makes you question the point of anything and everything. Getting out of the vicious cycle of doubt and sorrow is extremely difficult. I am writing this post in the hope of moving people out of the cycle and this is in no way an expert advice. Definitely, a few pointers will change depending on the closeness you had with the one who left us behind.

1. "The best way out is always through" - Robert Frost: Holding back your grief is not going to help. It is perfectly fine to breakdown and feel sorrow, the worst of it - to remember the soul and relive past. It is ok to cry your heart out and even to question life. But it is ok only for sometime - a week, fortnight or even a month. But then you need to tell yourself - Enough! Enough of grieving, take charge of life and remember the person in a way that makes you smile - they would want that too. And this is the beauty of our mind too, the moment we put our foot down, it adheres to us and creates thoughts the way we want to think.

2. Detachment: Consider this (even for just a day) - the world is a drama and this life is like one season of the drama and our next life would be the next season. In the next season, we all have to come back again to settle our karma accounts with each other however for now we need to play our role very well regardless of which actor has left the show till next season. Look at the life events and yourself from the eyes of the audience and then think if you are playing your part well. This exercise gives a lot of objectivity and can be the focus for your meditation. It also gives you the hope of meeting the other person in the next life.

3. Be Happy: Be happy even when it takes immense effort in the beginning. Your loved one would hate to see you so sad and hate themselves further for being the cause of it. You need to be strong for them and for yourselves.

4. Get busy: Try to get back into routine and take baby steps in life. Moving on will seem impossible but then we all have a purpose in life and the fact that we are still alive means that we still need to fulfill our purpose. Find that purpose and take small steps towards it.

5. Do not engage in self-pity: Be mature, be strong and take life in control. Even in the face of the great loss, there are a lot of loved ones who are still alive and need you - lets not ignore them. I believe that whenever God gives us trying times, he also gives us the strength to overcome these circumstances - find your inner strength

6. Help others: Volunteer and help other people. Helping others is the best way to keep yourself happy and content. It makes you feel worthwhile and gives you the strength to move on

Remember, end of life does not mean end of love and love is a positive feeling which gives you strength - don't let it be your weakness.

What ways do you adopt to cope up with such a loss?

Leia Mais…

Monday 3 June 2013

The ultimate connection!!

With the world getting smaller and smaller and our increasing advancement in connecting with other people, are we forgetting the ultimate connection - the connection with ourself? With so much noise, physical and virtual, are we forgetting to listen to the most important sound - the sound of our voice? With everything moving so fast around us, it is at times really important to slow down to pay attention to ourselves.

There are 4 aspects to everyone's life - physical, mental, emotional and spiritual. We need to hone and develop all these aspects of ourselves. Unfortunately, the way our education system and lifestyles are, most of us do not pay attention to our spiritual development which always takes a back seat. By spiritual, I do not mean religious - they can overlap a few times but spirituality and religion can also be very different at other times depending upon interpretation. Then how do we establish this connection with ourselves.

It is necessary to slow down and give ourselves some time which is only for ourselves and no one is allowed to come in between - family, spouse, children - absolutely no one. To give ourselves the time and effort to focus inwards. It does not need to be an elaborate process - the key is to be conscious of every moment. Just some examples of what all can be done to develop spirituality:

  • Meditation
  • Creating something - painting, cooking, blog post
  • Nurturing something - gardening
  • Listening to music
  • Pursuing a hobby
  • Breathing exercises of yoga
  • Going for a long drive
  • Appreciating nature
Again for emphasis - "be conscious of every moment" and anything can be a spiritual experience.

As they say, "To love others, one has to love oneself", I think similarly it is very important to connect with oneself to be able to connect with others. And with practice, we can be 'spiritual' all the time without a conscious effort just how we are able to tap on our physical, mental and emotional reserves throughout the day.

To develop this aspect of myself further, I am doing a course on meditation this week. Will write about my experience after finishing the course.

Leia Mais…